Protect Our National Parks — Or We'll Haunt Your Backyard | Oversized Faded Tee

Consider this a formal notice. This Protect Our National Parks oversized faded tee carries a message from Bigfoot, three sheet ghosts, a bat with opinions, one primordial toad, and a Wendigo — and the message is non-negotiable: protect their home, or they will haunt yours.

The Story

The design reads like a warning carved into a trail marker. At the top: Protect Our. Dead center in bold slab type: National Parks. Below, flanked by rules: Or We'll Haunt Your Backyard. Between those words, a full cryptid coalition occupies the frame — Bigfoot on the left with the tired patience of something that's been watching humans make bad decisions for centuries. Three sheet ghosts in the center, faceless and floating, the most haunting kind of quiet. A wide-winged bat overhead, its owl-wide eyes locked onto the viewer. The toad in the foreground, crouched and immovable, like a creature that has already outlasted three of your favorite politicians. And at the far right, a robed Wendigo — ribcage visible, deer skull where its head should be, arms hanging with the ease of something that doesn't need to threaten you twice. The whole thing is rendered in vintage woodcut line art, cream ink pressed into the faded black fabric like it was pulled from a 19th century conservation broadsheet. A protect our national parks shirt for people who are done being polite about it. Find more in our Spooky Vibes collection.

Fabric & Fit

The AS Colour 5082 is 7.1 oz of 100% carded cotton — that's 240 g/m², the weight class where a tee stops being a tee and starts being a garment. Carded cotton has a texture that ring-spun can't replicate: slightly napped, matte, with a surface that feels more hand-loomed than manufactured. The garment-dye process means the Faded Black absorbs unevenly by design — every piece emerges with a slightly different fade pattern, which is the whole point. Two years of washing won't flatten it; it will only deepen. Drop shoulders push out past your natural shoulder line, creating the proportion this cryptid oversized faded tee was built for: long enough to half-tuck, wide enough that layering is structural rather than accidental, heavy enough that it hangs instead of shifting. Wide neck ribbing holds the neckline's shape after a hundred washes — the detail cheaper tees skip and the reason this one is worth the price.

✦ Cosmic Fit Tip: This style runs with a true, intentional oversized fit — wide and long by design. Order your true size for a classic streetwear drop-shoulder silhouette. Size up one for a more dramatic, elongated oversized look. Do not size down — the drop-shoulder structure and wide neck ribbing are built around the oversized proportions and won't read correctly in a smaller size.

The Details

• The Art: Vintage woodcut-style cryptid coalition — Bigfoot, three sheet ghosts, a bat, a toad, and a Wendigo with a deer skull — cream ink on faded black, with the exact message: Protect Our National Parks. Or We'll Haunt Your Backyard.
• The Feel: 7.1 oz carded cotton, garment-dyed and pre-shrunk — heavy, textured, and intentionally imperfect. A fade that gets better with every wash.
• The Cut: True unisex oversized with dropped shoulders, wide neck ribbing, and an elongated body — proportion-forward streetwear, not a regular tee that runs large.

Available Colors

• Faded Black (a washed, uneven charcoal — not flat black, not grey, but something in between that only garment dye can produce)

Product Specifications

• Material: 100% carded cotton
• Weight: 7.1 oz/yd² (240 g/m²)
• Fit: True unisex oversized; dropped shoulders; elongated body length
• Finish: Garment-dyed, pre-shrunk — intentionally uneven faded finish by design
• Neckline: Wide ribbed crew neck
• Label: Tear-away for tag-free wear
• Print: Direct-to-garment, cream-ink woodcut cryptid conservation design
• Colors Available: Faded Black
• Sourcing: Printed and fulfilled in the USA
• Care: Machine wash cold, inside out; tumble dry low to preserve print and garment-dye fade